As I write this in the month of love, I find myself reflecting on love and my journey of self-discovery. Finding myself single again, I feel that I have evolved enough to feel oddly secure and calm in the mutual dissolution of this recent long-term relationship. Nine years ago, I had a very different result when an eighteen-year marriage self-destructed, and having found the source of true love, this time is very different.

I had a normal Gen X upbringing. Two mostly absent, working parents left us a lot of time to figure things out for ourselves and get into trouble without a camera in sight, and unfortunately, there was not much nurturing at home. Being a boy, I was encouraged to suck it up and not show any weakness, keeping in line with the way my parents were raised in the fifties and sixties and likely their parents before them, resulting in generational trauma. I found rebellion in my teens and twenties, and drinking, drugs, and cigarettes seemed to numb a void that I couldn’t figure out, an emptiness that I couldn’t identify.

This void was a lack of love, and for most of my adult life, I continued on this way, living in the dream, seeking love and validation from the people around me, my job, my pets, and my romantic partner. I was a vampire, draining the love and attention from anyone who would give it to me. When I couldn’t get positive attention, I would take what I could get just to fill the void, not knowing the damage I was doing.

We can not take without giving. Life is an ebb and flow, and the system breaks when the balance is broken.

The realization came a few years ago when a quote hit me like an avalanche — unnoticeable at first but ultimately unstoppable. The late Wayne Dyer said, “You can’t give what you don’t have”. He went on to explain that you are the source of love, and I have since realized that being that source means that you always have self-love because you are the origin, and all the true love that you feel is yours reflected back to you. 

Pause for a moment and let that sink in.

That’s right. When you rely on others to fill that empty space inside, you are always left wanting more. But how do we get from here to there?

A journey into the unconscious through a QHHT session only served to amplify and clarify this reality through direct contact with my higher self and guidance council. That session shifted the course of my life by uncovering my true purpose and led to the hypnotic work that I do now. I guide others with intention to this magical place to gain clarity in their lives, find their purpose, and realize that they are the source of what they have been desperately seeking.

What happened to this latest relationship? Well, often, when two people get together, not having dealt with past trauma, and one awakens, setting out on a path of healing and self-discovery, the other is left behind. Many people are under the illusion that their trauma is who they are and the world happens to them. We were both at that point when we met and fell in love, and we sadly did not change in the same way. I will always have a love for her, and that will never change.